Solo sex or masturbation other than the obvious-feel good effect, sex with yourself has been long known to have a plethora of mental and physical health benefits, from relieving stress, insomnia, depression and pain to improving your circulation and your immune system. It also revs up your sex drive, meaning the more orgasms you have, the more you will desire.
But another, lesser known masturbation boon, is that playing nicely with yourself can help you play nice with others. This occurs for two main reasons: the first is that you understand yourself enough to share your knowledge with your partner. The second is that by simply sharing your needs, you’re further fortifying your emotional (and sexual) bond. A better bond means better sex, so don’t be shy about sharing.
“When you masturbate, you learn so much about pleasure and your body and the relationship between the two,” says sexuality expert Jenny Block. “And that is exactly the kind of information you want to share with your partner.”
It’s no surprise that those who masturbate frequently tend to be a lot more in-tune with their sexual selves. Not only do you understand what gets you going, but by frequently indulging, you also grow your sexual self confidence. More confidence means more Os, and an easier time communicating to your partner just what gets you off. If you don’t know what you like, how can you expect your partner to figure it out? Sexual telepathy is not a thing.
“When you know your body and your pleasure, you can better inform your partner so that they can come to understand what you desire and what you don’t,” says Block, whose book The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex: All You Need to Know About Masturbation dropped on the 1st of May 2016.
Of course, for many of us, talking to your partner about sex can sometimes feel uncomfortable. If this is the case, Block suggests waiting until you’re outside the bedroom to have this kind of discussion. Find a time when you’re happy, calm and not distracted, she suggests. A low-key Sunday afternoon snuggle sesh is the perfect setting, and can lead to a steamy pre-dinner activity.
“Talking about what you’re doing while you’re doing it can be hot, but it can also cause a lot of undue pressure if it is not something you’ve previously discussed,” says Block. Save the how-tos for outside the bedroom and take the dirty talk to the sheets.”
But talking about sex with your partner does a lot more than just offer education. Sure, it’s great to be able to tell your partner how to touch you and when, but by opening up intimate lines of communication, you’re cultivating a closeness that will ultimately strengthen your bond. If you can talk openly and without judgement about something as private as, well, how to navigate your privates, other uncomfy subjects will be a breeze in comparison.
But if you’re really, truly shy about having this kind of talk, you’re not out of luck. Block suggests putting on a private show to offer up a little hands-on training. Yep, I’m talking about masturbating in front of your partner.
“Not only is it incredibly sexy, it will also show your partner just what makes you go wild without you having to say a word,” says Block.
Looking for more tips on maximizing masturbation? Block says the key is to limit distractions.
“Turn off the clock. Lock the door. Relax. Treat yourself the way you would treat a lover you adore. Take care of yourself. Take your time. Don’t be shy. Explore.”
Don’t be afraid of a little self-romance, either. Go ahead and light that candle just for you. You deserve it.
