For many men and women, low sex-drive is a depressing, looming issue. In a survey of 27,000 men and women, 30-40 percent of them reported lack of interest in sex at some point during a one year period. Sex is great, so what’s to blame for our lack of lust?
There are many factors that could be affecting your sex life. Lifestyle factors such as poor diet, prescription medications, low quality sleep, lack of physical fitness and clinical depression, among others, have a profound effects on libido. But there is also something potentially damaging to your sexual health that rarely anyone talks about. It’s all that negative self-talk that rattles around your brain all day—your anti-Self.
What’s your anti-Self? That’s my term for those nasty little voices inside your head responsible for spouting negative thoughts. It’s the voice saying, ew look at my stomach, I’m gross, or I’m so clumsy and dumb and awkward and unsexy. Let’s face it, when your inner critic is telling you how unattractive/clumsy/unsexy you are, it becomes pretty tough to get turned on, no matter how compatible you and your partner may be.
That’s why it’s important to shut up your cruel anti-Self and adopt a healthier self-image—because you are beautiful and worthy of love. But I can’t convince you. You have to convince yourself. Here are a few ways to pull up the reigns on your rampaging anti-Self that will hopefully allow you to unleash your hotness with excitement and confidence.
Meditation. Meditation to help your sex life? Heck, yes! Sex is all about living in the present moment. If you cannot live presently in your day to day life, it probably won’t happen when you’re trying to turn up the heat. Meditation helps us to focus with clarity, rather than allowing our minds to be plagued by worries of the past and future. Try using an app, like the well-designed Love Pioneer, to invoke self-reflection daily and encourage a healing of your own self-love.
Journaling. Rather than writing out your woes, like, I feel hideous and bloated and my skin is breaking out, try writing self-affirmations. Write a positive paragraph about yourself every single day. Or, write about things in your life you are grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful force in the fight against depression, anxiety and self-loathing. Create a script to repeat in your head anytime your anti-Self roars, and remember these things next time things get hot and remind yourself that you are great!
Take a mirror vacation. If you’re in the vicious cycle of self-deprecation every time you catch a reflection of yourself, it may be time for more direct measures. Take the 7 day mirror challenge. For 7 days, cover every reflective surface in your household. That means no bathroom mirror, no wardrobe mirror, no catching your refection in the picture frame in the living room. Anything that offers a decent reflective surface, you should attempt to cover it. Spend the next 7 days living life without judging your reflection. Notice if you become happier over the week. That’s because you’re ridding your anti-Self of its superficial fuel. And yet, life still continues… if not better than it was before. Let yourself feel sexy without checking it out in the mirror. Be who you want to be and be proud of it.
Fly solo. Masturbation is a great way to work on yourself and your libido without getting anyone else involved. Practice feeling sexy on your own and allowing yourself to be in the heat of the moment. In the safety of a private space, you can have complete control over the mutterings of your anti-Self. Work on quieting them. Get out of your head, and enjoy. When you partner up, be open with your partner that you feel a little uncomfortable. They should encourage you to move at your own speed and offer any positive support you need. While it’s up to you to turn the volume down on the self-deprecation and feel like a confident, sexy god/goddess, your partner can certainly help lend the ambiance.
Stop criticizing yourself so much. The mind is one of the powerful organs in sex and orgasm. Without your mental consent, your libido has little chance to liberate itself. Do yourself a favor and show yourself a little love. Once you realize that you deserve it from yourself, it’ll be a lot easier to love and be physically loved by someone else.
