8 behaviors that prevent your children from loving you during old age

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it’s more like tending a houseplant you’re still figuring out—sometimes you’re too hands-on, sometimes you forget to check in, and suddenly the leaves start to wilt.

You wonder, “What did I do wrong?”

The truth is, some of the habits we cling to over the years can create invisible walls between us and our kids.

And the irony? We’re usually just trying to show we care.

But if we can spot these little barriers and let go of them, we might finally feel that connection we’ve been longing for.

Because who doesn’t want to feel a little more love from their children as they grow up? I know I do.

1) Dictating instead of discussing

As we age, it’s easy to slip into the habit of dictating rather than discussing.

After all, we’ve been through it all before, right?

Well, not quite. With age comes wisdom, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we always have the right answer.

And even when we do, our children may not welcome our input if it’s delivered as an order.

Your grown-up children are adults themselves. They have their own experiences and insights.

They need space to make their own decisions – and mistakes.

By shifting from dictating to discussing, you’re showing respect for their autonomy.

Instead of saying “You should do this”, try asking “Have you considered this?” It’s a subtle shift but a powerful one.

2) Failing to listen

It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

One day, my daughter came to me with a problem she was facing at work. I immediately jumped in with advice, telling her what I thought she should do.

That hit me hard. I realized that in my eagerness to help, I hadn’t really been listening to her.

I had been too busy formulating my own response.

It’s a behavior I’ve made a conscious effort to change. Now, when my children come to me with their concerns, I make it a point to truly listen before responding.

Letting go of this behavior has made a world of difference in our relationship.

Not only do my children feel more heard and valued, but I’ve also gained deeper insights into their lives and perspectives.

If you want your children to feel more loved as you grow older, this is certainly a behavior worth saying goodbye to.

3) Holding onto the past

Did you know the human brain has a natural tendency to remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones?

Unfortunately, this can also lead us to hold onto past disagreements, disappointments, and misunderstandings, especially with our children.

We may keep bringing up their past mistakes or fail to recognize how much they’ve grown and changed.

Letting go of the past is not the same as ignoring or forgetting wrongdoings.

Holding onto past grudges can only create a wall between you and your children.

So, if you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, it’s time to put the past where it belongs – in the past.

You’ll be amazed at how much lighter your relationships can feel when you’re not carrying around old baggage.

4) Overstepping boundaries

In our effort to stay connected with our children as we age, we may unknowingly overstep their boundaries.

While our intentions might be good, such behavior can lead to our children feeling smothered or disrespected.

It’s important to remember that our grown-up children have their own lives, responsibilities, and privacy that need to be respected.

Respecting boundaries doesn’t mean creating distance. It means understanding and acknowledging what makes them comfortable and what doesn’t.

It’s a delicate balance to strike but one that can significantly improve the quality of your relationship with your children.

And in return, you’ll likely feel more loved and appreciated by them.

5) Withholding affection

They may no longer be the little ones who ran into our arms after a fall, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need our emotional support.

A simple “I love you,” a warm hug, or even a pat on the back can mean the world to them.

These little gestures of love remind them that no matter how old they get, they will always have a special place in your heart.

We sometimes withhold affection because we fear rejection or want to avoid appearing overbearing.

So, if you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, don’t hold back your affection.

It’s a simple yet powerful way of strengthening your bond with them, making you feel loved in return.

6) Comparing them to others

When my son was in high school, he struggled with math.

I found myself saying things like, “Why can’t you be more like your sister? She never had trouble with math.”

I thought it would motivate him. Instead, it just made him feel inadequate. Each of our children is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses.

When we compare them to others, we unintentionally send a message that they’re not good enough as they are.

It’s important to celebrate their individuality and encourage their unique talents and abilities.

The more we accept and appreciate them for who they are, the closer our relationship will be, and the more loved we’ll feel in return.

7) Overreacting to their mistakes

Everybody makes mistakes – it’s a part of life and learning.

However, how we react to our children’s mistakes can greatly affect our relationship with them.

If we overreact, get angry, or show disappointment every time they mess up, they may start to fear making mistakes.

This fear could lead them to hide things from us or avoid sharing their problems, creating a distance in our relationship.

Instead, treat their mistakes as learning opportunities. Guide them towards finding a solution rather than focusing on the problem itself.

This approach not only helps them grow but also strengthens your bond with them.

Saying goodbye to overreactions doesn’t mean ignoring their mistakes. It means reacting in a way that encourages growth and learning.

And trust me, it will make you feel more loved by your children as you get older.

8) Forgetting to appreciate them

In the hustle and bustle of life, we often forget to express our appreciation.

Our children, like all of us, need to feel valued and appreciated.

A simple thank you for their help, acknowledging their kind gestures, or expressing pride in their achievements can go a long way in making them feel loved.

I’m not telling you to shower them with praises all the time. It’s enough to genuinely recognize of their efforts and contributions.

This simple act can create a deeper bond between you and your children.

And when they feel appreciated, they’ll naturally show more love towards you.

So if you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, don’t forget to appreciate them.

It’s the simplest yet most powerful thing you can do.

Final thoughts

Parenting in the later years is like trying to find your way through a familiar but slightly rearranged room.

You know where the love is—it’s just a matter of not tripping over old habits to get there.

Maybe it’s the urge to give advice instead of just listening, or that reflex to hold on to old grudges like outdated souvenirs.

The moment you loosen your grip on these things, the space between you and your children starts to feel less cluttered.

Love doesn’t vanish as we age; it just asks us to keep adjusting, to keep showing up, and let our kids surprise us.

After all, isn’t that what love is all about?

Trusting that the bonds we’ve built are strong enough to hold, even when we’re brave enough to change.